Hello! I hit five months on T at the end of June. The update is a little delayed.
Voice clip here: 110627 20 Weeks
And the first clip: 110125 Pre-T
I haven’t been very good at updating recently. Things got really crazy toward the end of the semester. I got quite sick and had to focus most of my energies on that. I even had to stop T for a brief period of time just to get rid of variables, but my doctor and I could agree that the T almost definitely was not making me sick (since I got sick well before I started T – it’s a chronic illness – and I got worse separately from the T) and I did not want to be off of it for a second more than I had to, so I was back on very quickly. Still trying to get better, but I am improving slowly.
I changed my name in May and I’m now working on getting all my documents in order. It’s unfortunate that I can’t change my gender markers as well. Dysphoria aside, the process is rather annoying and I’m not looking forward to repeating it when I change those. But that actually shouldn’t be as bad, since everything has a different requirement – I won’t have to do everything at once. I was able to change my driver’s license and health insurance gender marker, which allowed me to change it with all of my doctors, which is nice. Interestingly, the doctors are, out of necessity, the most aware of the difference between my sex and my gender, but it bothered me more to have them misgender me than some others. So it’s all to the good that they can say male now.
I was also able to change my gender on my LSAT ticket and the other documents related to the LSAT, which is one of the more exciting updates. Though the LSAT itself will not play a huge part in my daily life, I have found that I have strong feelings about anything to do with my future, with the rest of my life going forward being accurate. Though my transition will most likely not be complete by the time I get to law school, I want “the rest of my life” to start with my body and my mind as in-sync as possible.
The list of people who I see/interact with/am connected to who do not know about my transition is being whittled down, another good step. Though many people who have known me for a long time still mess up quite frequently, I find I can handle the slip-ups as long as I know the people are slipping up, as opposed to unaware. I am doing my best to think of this period of my life as transitional, not just in terms of the literal transition, but more as a temporary thing, which is allowing me not to get quite as upset when people slip up or misgender me. Sometimes it is still really hard, but sometimes I am able to let it go. I am on my way, and more and more people are gendering me correctly, I just have to give it some time. My family in particular has come a long way since the beginning of this process. My mom claims that Chaz Bono played a direct role in helping her to get a handle on trans issues in general, so I’ll have to thank him someday.
I have a lot of things that I have been thinking about, so I’ll be writing a bunch of posts soon. I’ll attempt to tie them to myths when I can, but some of them might just have to be written anyway (because I’ve been doing such a good job of tying everything together lately anyway…).
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