Revelations

I mentioned (I think) in my first post that I have not had the “typical” trans experience.  It caused me some grief (literally and figuratively) at the beginning of this process — that is, the process of coming out and transitioning — that I didn’t have any of those moments where I just knew that I was a boy, or that I should have been a boy, etc.  I came to terms with it, realizing: one, that you don’t need those experiences in order to be trans; and, two, that I had many of those experiences, I just…suppressed them or channeled them into other aspects of my life.  But my mother just told me a very interesting story which casts doubt on the whole “I’m-not-trans-enough” complex which I suffered from at the beginning of my gender revelations.

Sometime in 1st or 2nd grade, I carpooled with two of my classmates (a girl and a boy) to some…activity (I don’t remember what, soccer or…honestly, I have no idea).  One day, my mom picked me up, I got in her car, and I said, “[Boy] told me that girls can’t be heroes” (man, it started young).  I then promptly started to cry — or, as my mom put it, I was sobbing and absolutely inconsolable, just…miserable.  Then, I said to her, “Why aren’t I a boy?  I want to be a boy – I want to be a hero.”  My mom did her best to convince me “girls can be heroes too” (which is true, I’m not disputing that).  But I was pretty damn upset.

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6 Responses to Revelations

  1. Erica says:

    My senior year in high school, my English class was reading the play Saint Joan and we were assigned an essay on the meaning of the word “hero” and whether we though Joan of Arc was one. To get myself started, I looked up the actual Merriam-Webster definition of “hero” and discovered that the DICTIONARY strongly implied that only men could be labeled heroes.

    Needless to say, my essay was more of a rant.

    Not that that has anything to do with being trans, unless you’re of the camp that thinks Joan of Arc was.

  2. Matt says:

    That’s because the word hero does only refer to a man, whereas the word heroine only refers to a woman. Same definitions except for that distinction.

  3. Jim McNeill says:

    Just to say that Joan was a virgin who dressed in sensible clothing (which happened to be associated with men at the time) in order to – establish her point that women should not be camp folowers, establish that she was not a sexual object for the men/soldiers she came into contact with and, finally, so she could ride a hores, be protected and go into battle.

  4. Jim McNeill says:

    Hi all,
    You might want to read, “Joan of Arc: the image of female heroism”, Marina Warner, Penguin Books. It’s one of the best books I’ve read about Joan. A little acedemic maybe and it’s langage reather dated (first published 1981) but well worth a read.
    Jim

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